Broken brain

Hunting it Down.     I am trying to find a job, but it is so hard to do it. You should see my emails with the number of jobs I have gone for. This is my cover letter that I’m now sending as I’ve had know luck I am writing to express my interest in a position at your company. With a strong background in digital marketing, gained through an internship with Edu kit, and extensive experience in caring for my nieces and nephews, I am confident in my ability to contribute effectively to your team. During my internship at Edu kit, I learned key aspects of creating effective videos and producing content focused on mental health support. This experience has been invaluable in developing my social media skills and my understanding of effective communication. Despite the challenges presented by the lockdown, I was able to adapt and thrive, demonstrating my resilience and dedication. I am blind and 17 years old (born on 04/01/2008), and I am fully independent in navigating...

read to end ' Help Now I'm slowly sinking, caving Try to fight it but I can't breathe Chest is heavy, hands are numb I'm tired but I can't sleep Choking on my pride, my tongue is tied And now I find myself reaching out for help I could really use your help right now Fight or flight, I feel I don't know how To stand on      my own or which way to go I cant do this any more its to hard. I want to move out now. I know why I cant but why. Life is hard at the moment not all I can share on hear but it is just so crap. I want to move out but know I cant. I get I have no independence but why?. I need it it is not right that I’m stuck in the system of ifs buts and maybes I want a answer. I need this and I don’t know how to tell you other whys but just listen. At what point will they listen to the cry of me saying what I need. I need to get out to live my life. I can then make friends with the people around me and make friends with other people but ...

. The SW is thinking of withdrawing support, and this makes me stressed. They have so much to do, like help me get to the place I want to get to, which is supported living. I would have got this when I was 16, but they said no due to my age. They can't house people under 18 according to the social worker, but I have found other info... Now I’m coming up to 18 in Jan 26 and they are slowly withdrawing support from now in their eyes, but we are not saying no at the moment as we are not sure of this. I don’t know if this is a way of the SW backing off so she doesn’t have to do anything more to do with me. I should be able to sit here and be excited for when I’m 18, but instead, I am scared in case I’m held back again. For years I had told myself I wanted to move out at 16. I'd even told myself assisted living so no one could say no, but then they did anyway. So I said to them 17, and they said okay, but this year will be the year to work for, and then we can do that. I have got to...

Gay and my way   Hi I’m gay and I thought I had a relationship last week but it turned out to be a player. He asked me out on the Wednesday and broke up by the evening as he could not commit. This wood have been fine but the way he did it was not. We both go to a mental health group but now I cant go in my head as I have had know luck with friends. Nobody is now messaging me from the group so he has shit stared a lot and I just am broken   I have been listening to songs to get me from this hart ach but why do boys have to be so stupid. I hate them and they have broken me. I had shared with him an event that was very traumatic but all he said was” ok”. Ok ok  that is not fear to say for a thing   I have shared in confidence            

Here's what I've been thinking over the last 24 hours I don't want to go back to college at all. I don't wanol. But hey, it's not that easy when you're blind, being tested for ADHD, ASD, and afid. All I want is to be included in the mainstream so I don't have to follow some stupid SEN rules because I'm blind. Can someone help me? That wasn't exactly it, it was more directed towards the universe. I don't know anymore, what I do know is I'm so angry now, I'm just at      my wit's end with it all. Thanks for reading. "No, I know I can't change your mind, but I know it's going to hurt." To be fair, I'm scared that if I don't do this, if my mum dies, I won't be happy and I won't have done what I needed to do. It's sad, but something I always think about. "I'm not ready to let you go." "I know it's going to hurt watching your footsteps stride away" as they say we need to step...

I’m coming to the end   I fill like I’m coming to the end. I’m sitting righting this as my carers are hard asleep. They might as well be asleep. I asked for a drink and they  didn’t get it.   This is getting to a point  and its emotionally draining. They think they can get away with this but this is the 3d time now so… I just want to get to demellza, then I will have both looking after me but I will no I can full onto demelza, at least they will hear my cries and respond. As I right this next line they have just jolted awake but layed back to sleep. Its no good jolting when sommone walks in. or going umm mmm imm in your sum what not sleep just to make me think you are awake. I no full well you have been asleep.   It sadnds me that this is what we have left… a broken plan/system. If I had stayed in ward 12 I cold of got better. Or if dr b had followed his plan then it would have worked out for me. Its not nice that I have been put in...