thoughts and a mesage to mum and the system

Here's what I've been thinking over the last 24 hours

I don't want to go back to college at all.

I don't wanol.

But hey, it's not that easy when you're blind, being tested for ADHD, ASD, and afid.


All I want is to be included in the mainstream so I don't have to follow some stupid SEN rules because I'm blind.

Can someone help me?

That wasn't exactly it, it was more directed towards the universe.

I don't know anymore, what I do know is I'm so angry now, I'm just at     my wit's end with it all.

Thanks for reading.

"No, I know I can't change your mind, but I know it's going to hurt."

To be fair, I'm scared that if I don't do this, if my mum dies, I won't be happy and I won't have done what I needed to do.

It's sad, but something I always think about.

"I'm not ready to let you go."

"I know it's going to hurt watching your footsteps stride away" as they say we need to step away from each other a bit.

I just don't know how to get through this.

"I will keep chasing shadows of you," sitting here thinking of the times we were connected at the hip.

I'm running after the time when I was so happy, and I can't let you go.

And I know that's bad, but I can't.

Why can't people see it from my point of view?

So please, go back to the time when you would walk out with me and smile as we ran down the beach and cuddle me in coffee shops when I was like 10.

I don't think I will ever be ready to let you go, if I'm being honest with you, and it's so hard for me, but it's true.

I just feel like it's so hard to comprehend what they all say is in my best interest, but it's not in mine.

I've been recently holding my breath and counting to ten after the things you said when you said we need to step away.

I'm afraid of change.

I can't possibly leave you or distance myself from you so much, so quickly, Mum.

Let's go back to when we laughed every day and smiled over the smallest things.

I love you. 

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