it is so shitting hard. knowone gets it and it pissis me off

. The SW is thinking of withdrawing support, and this makes me stressed. They have so much to do, like help me get to the place I want to get to, which is supported living. I would have got this when I was 16, but they said no due to my age. They can't house people under 18 according to the social worker, but I have found other info...

Now I’m coming up to 18 in Jan 26 and they are slowly withdrawing support from now in their eyes, but we are not saying no at the moment as we are not sure of this. I don’t know if this is a way of the SW backing off so she doesn’t have to do anything more to do with me.

I should be able to sit here and be excited for when I’m 18, but instead, I am scared in case I’m held back again. For years I had told myself I wanted to move out at 16. I'd even told myself assisted living so no one could say no, but then they did anyway.

So I said to them 17, and they said okay, but this year will be the year to work for, and then we can do that. I have got to 17, and guess what... They are now looking at 18, and this just makes me so sad that I feel that they are not following their promises.

I get that it is tough, but that is why I’m saying supported, I’m not saying independent as I know that will be a definite no. No one wants to talk about it when I try. Everyone wants to not talk about it as they don’t know whose job it is to do it.

I just don’t know what to do anymore as it makes me so sad that no one will listen to my wants and needs. I just want peace. I mean I’d like to move out now, but that’s just not an option. Life is hard, and I think changing scenes would help.

Not saying family life is hard, but you know what I mean when I say it is hard, don’t you? Like how do I say it without being offensive.

I’ve been through a lot and need a change of scene. I can’t cope with this anymore. They do this for people with mental health, so don’t say it can’t happen because of your current state.

It just makes me so sad about how people just say things to shut me up. I was so sad I wrote this poem-like thing:

"It's moving fast, forgetting the past, support has dropped, the balloon has popped, screams of whispers cover my hair standing on end, there's now nobody to talk to and nobody to depend. It scares me to death, but it might be good, should I, shouldn't I, would I, wouldn't I, if I, if I don't, keeps running through my head, the thoughts are running around my little head as I lay them there. What do I do, I don't, I do, what do I say, is this good, will it go my way. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know what to say, all people say is just sleep on it. I've never heard of an interim review, what is that, obviously think it just sounds so bad, it sounds so scary like what do I do, what do I say, is it you, is it me, is it them, is it they..."

But no poem can get my anger out at the system that in my eyes has failed me. Now I best not tell you that I’m in my bad place again because “you're doing better.” I don’t need to hear that when I’m talking about something that I’m passionate about.

My friendships are broken, and I think that being in assisted living would give me freedom. I could have someone that would take me out to groups, I could get responsibility and just live a little. There would be people who would be there if I messed up, but can people not understand why I want this.

It is not that hard, is it. I don’t know how to put this more bluntly, but it is just so hard for me.

Please just help.